Confronting the Beast

This past week, my hubby and I celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary. In doing so, I got a little sentimental about our love story and began looking back at old pictures. Since we started dating in 1993, I had a lot to reflect on. I love our first homecoming picture and can distinctly remember the dress I wore, how it made me feel, and the weight I was at the time. The sad part is that even though I felt pretty when I left the house, when I got to the dance and looked around me, I was awash with sadness, thinking I looked huge compared to the other girls. I wish I could go back and tell that 14/15 year old me how awesome I looked - really awesome.

Unfortunately, it's always easier to look back in retrospect than to see yourself and your life for what it is in the now. I never wanted to be the "fat one" - not then, not now. Yet, somehow, I've been filling that role for the majority of my adult life. The truth is, I let the evil demon voices in my head become my compass - chubby is cherubic, it's too hard to work out, yummy, fatty food = fun. While I didn't feel good about myself, I settled into a place of acceptance being the chunky girl, as if it was my station in life.



And while I never thought of myself as skinny, it also took a long time for me to admit to being fat. This is an entirely different beast to confront. No one wants to say that out loud. It hurts to speak the words. Instead, I would make jokes about how I was simply "above average". That didn't sound nearly as bad, maybe even good. Plus, I knew if I admitted to having a problem with my weight, I would be expected to do something about it. There were always too many excuses and too many personal roadblocks for me to make that commitment to change. That would mean work, and it was so much more comfortable on the couch watching Law and Order: SVU marathons rather than trying to run one...

One day, though, things just clicked. I complained to my doctor about not being able to drop pounds by diet alone. He challenged me to work out everyday for three weeks. He said I'd find the time, and while it would be hard, I would see a shift in my mental attitude toward my body and wouldn't allow myself to quit. I took him up on the challenge (partially to prove he was wrong. How does a full-time mom and wife find time to work out every stinking day?). And magically, the demons in my head began to quiet to the resounding sound of self worth, saying, "I don't have to settle. I'm better than this." I guess good ol' Dr. B. will see he was right when I go for my next check up, because it's pretty obvious I found the time to work out...

Honestly, I earned the title of the "fat one". I was that person on the outside, and I let that define who I was on the inside - a pile of mushy yellow ick. Not anymore! Today, I am working toward being a lean, mean, running machine. I'm not settling for the couch. I have a 5K to run!



Special thanks to Lori Wortylko for inspiring me with her weight loss, blog, positive attitude, and friendship. And to Michelle Wright for always being honest about how I look, what I can achieve, and reminding me that I am worth the work and the payoff. I'm a lucky girl!!!

Grandpa's Words

Today was a cold, damp day for training, but the drizzle wasn't enough to deter me from my mission to train for that 5K. I only have 5 and a half weeks left, but have 7 weeks of training on the docket. Eek! So, I powered through the chill and wet to begin week 3 of training.

I'm still doing intervals of walking and running, but the stretches of run time are getting longer. Today, I really felt pushed to my physical limit again. My body definitely got another jolt. There's no doubt in my mind I will be aching tomorrow! I started with my typical 5 minute warm up. That was followed by a 90 second jog and 90 seconds of walking...then 3 minutes of jogging and 3 minutes of walking. I then repeated the 90 second run/walk interval, ran 3 more minutes...then did the final 5 minute walking cool down. Phew! I'm so glad the robot lady in my phone (C25K app) keeps me straight. She is the best $1.60 trainer on the market...at least I think she was well worth the cost. :)

As I began my final 3 minute run, I was headed up a steady incline, and I was tired. My Grandpa Torr's words of wisdom kept ringing in my ears, "Never quit going uphill, because when you're going downhill, you won't want to." Boy, is that ever the truth. I chanted to myself - out loud, mind you - as I jogged up the Millenium Trail on Wootton Parkway, "Don't quit uphill...don't quit uphill...don't quit uphill!" And wouldn't you know it, I got to the top of the hill with a minute left of the jogging segment, which began my descent. And I kept going! I didn't quit, and I am so much better for the push. It was as if my grandpa's hands were on my back, helping to nudge me through the exhaustion. I'm so grateful he shared that tidbit and is such a believer in me.

I did 1.81 miles in 25 minutes today, which is an average of a 13.81 minute mile. I'm thrilled to have improved my mile time by about half a minute in just one day. I can tell my endurance is improving, and that has me so excited for what is ahead. I think I can actually do this!

Leaping Over Hurdles

No, I'm not taking on the track event of hurdles (though I think it's super fun), but I have had to overcome a few obstacles in my training as of late. The good news is, I did swerve, jump, dodge, and take on the issues without letting them trip me up...too much!

The whole sick thing became a real problem. After completing Week 2, Day 1 of training, I got super sick! My respiratory infection also became a sinus and ear infection. It knocked me out completely for a few days. That also defeated my spirit. I looked at my training schedule and all the opportunities to run that I missed being ill, which left me feeling overwhelmed. How in the world could I pick myself back up and get in the game, knowing I was so far behind?

Well, I did it the only way possible, I got well. Then, I strapped on my Nikes and hit the trails. Now, I have officially completed week 2 of training!

I've gotten a lot of joy just from being outside. I've watched the trees get their leaves, flowers bloom, deer eating their lunch at a clearing in the woods, and wonderful birds flying all about - orioles, cardinals, woodpeckers, and robins. In that time I'm run/walking, I may have to remind myself to keep going, but I don't ever stop taking it all in. What a pleasure it is to run with the wild!

Now, I have begun tracking my distance to determine how well I am doing at achieving my 5K (3.1 mile) run goal. I made it 2.04 miles today in 29 minutes. Woohoo! I'm so close I can taste it.

See you at the finish line...

Rocking...Rolling...Running

Even though this cough of mine won't take the hint and bugger off, I am determined to stick with my training schedule. Today, I hit the run trail for Week 2, Day 1, which included a warm up walk, 6 intervals of 90 second run/2 minute walk, and a cool down walk. I'll admit it, I was a mess!!!

At the halfway mark, I reached a pond/reservoir area that has a few benches alongside the water. I walked past a gaggle of young moms, sitting quietly with their babies in strollers in front of them. They all stared at me, not smiling or saying hello (though I panted a "Hi" out to the group). When the robotic woman on the C25K app on my phone instructed me I was at the halfway point, I turned around. Shortly after, I was told to start my run interval. As I made my way past the women again, they continued to stare...maybe even glare with concern. That's when I realized I was most likely scaring them with my wheezing, huffing, heavy breathing and coughing, but who cares!? I don't. I made it through the training successfully and am one sluggish, running step closer to my 5K goal. Go me!

Also, since it is a Thursday, I started my day with a weigh in. I was even more anxious this week than last, considering this respiratory infection kept me from working out much, and I did give in to some cravings here and there. The good news is that I still, by the grace of God, lost 1.4 pounds this week. Sound the horns and let the confetti fly!

You can tell from the picture I took of myself post training today that I was throwing myself a party for completing Week 2, Day 1 of training. Believe it or not, I am already excited to take on Day 2 tomorrow. I'm rocking...rolling...running!

Back on Track

My training lost its footing for a few days when an upper respiratory infection settled in my chest. I did get in my third day of training on Friday night, but couldn't do anything again until tonight. While I really wanted to push myself and get in a workout last night, my hubby and a smart friend talked some sense into me.

Since it had been 5 days, I decided to repeat week 1, day 3 of the 60 second run/90 second walk when I got on my treadmill this evening. I pushed myself to run and walk faster with each interval. I still only average about a 16.5 minute mile, but considering I did a 20 minute mile just two weeks ago, I'm happy with my progression. We've all gotta start somewhere.

Tonight, I simply relished the fact that my feet were moving and getting me back on track to reaching my running goals. Tomorrow, I'll start week 2 of training outside. I can't wait!

Oh, and since all good work deserves rewards, I got myself some great new technical fabric workout shirts and a gym bag to get my gear to and from work. My mile time may be ugly, but I'll look good as I improve on my running skills.

Okay, time to rest up for my big day tomorrow!

Training is Mental...

Part of me felt like I was completely mental yesterday when I woke up. My poor legs were aching from the previous day of training, and I couldn't believe after being only one day in I had made a terrible mistake. So, what did I do? I showered and dressed, immediately putting on my running clothes. I was allowing myself no time or excuses to back down to the physical distress. I couldn't let it beat me!

After taking my van in for routine service, I drove to my office. From there I took my lunch break to run. I completed week 1, day 2 of the interval training. Yes, I said completed! I actually even enjoyed it more. The app on my phone got me through all the intervals correctly, though it still didn't capture all my data, and I found I was better able to run through my pain, knowing what I was in for (as opposed to the shock of day 1).

This venture is definitely making me stronger. From the muscle pain, I can tell I'm physically building myself up. Even neater, though, is that I'm finding an inner strength. My mind is beating those pesky self defeating demons I know everyone battles. Running is a mental exercise, and I'm so glad it is actually keeping me from going crazy.

Today, I am going to allow my body the chance to recoup from the first two days and just do a 30 minute brisk walk. Tomorrow, though, I will complete my first week of training. How cool is that? Ok, gotta go stretch!

Jeremy's Run...You'll be Inspired!

I registered for my 5K to attain a goal of health and fitness for myself, but was also very moved by the family's story who will hold this race for the fourth time this Memorial Day in honor of their son and brother, Jeremy Glass.

This race is in memory of Jeremy Daniel Glass, who at the age of 20, died of complications due to drug addiction. Jeremy was a very kind, intelligent, passionate and sensitive person, much loved by his family and friends. He fought what was ultimately a losing battle against a terrible disease that afflicts so many. This race is dedicated to both his memory and to the memory of all who have perished from this tragic illness.

Jeremy's Run is an annual Walk/Run to benefit The Partnership at Drugfree.org, the Kolmac Foundation, and The Family Support Center's school program "Dying to Get High." It will be held on Monday, May 28th, and I am proud to be supporting this cause.

The Glass family story is a powerful one that we all need to remember. Addiction is a disease, and not something for which to be ashamed. In an effort that all children and people who battle with addiction be given the attention and help they need, the Glass family holds this event to raise funds and awareness.

Check out www.jeremysrun.com for more information.

The Side Effects

Thursdays are my weigh in days. This can either be a good or a bad thing. I'm sure you can understand this. I started my day by hopping on the scale...well, it was more of a hesitant and gentle step on. Anyway, the rest of my day - and even week - is sometimes determined by how those numbers appear. As I stood there, naked as a jaybird, I prayed that the workouts and sensible diet were paying off. I closed my eyes as the little machine made up its mind as to my weight, and when I opened them I was equally fearful and excited. And oh, what a glorious surprise I found. I was down by a good amount...more than two pounds this week! Woohoo!!! This is one awesome side effect of my reignited passion for running!!!

But losing weight isn't the only side effect. While I will run later this morning (remember, no time for excuses or failure), I can barely walk right now. Every muscle in the lower half of my body screams with each connection my foot makes with the earth. It's intense, but I'm keeping my eyes on the prize. I just keep telling myself that if I keep going, I'll run myself out of pain - literally. Please, Lord, let this be true!

I guess it boils down to the fact that I am choosing the positive side effect over the negative. Only good can come from that attitude. Okay, gotta run!

Week 1, Day 1...intervals!

So, I completed my first training, which was 5 minutes of walking warm-up, 20 minutes of 60 second run/90 second walk intervals, and an additional 5 minute cool-down for a total of a 30 minute work-out. I'll be honest, it was H-A-R-D!!! While I have been walking everyday for a week and a half, peppered with an occasional jog when I was inspired, this training is legit. When reading the plan, in all my excitement, I kind of laughed off week one as easy. Well, I was definitely pushed to my limit. At one point I was actually thinking it was great to have my phone with me just in case I needed to call a co-worker to come peel me off the ground.

The Couch to 5K (C25K) app on my phone was great until it wasn't. It tried to skip over a couple of intervals, but I was able to time myself, in order to get it all in. Unfortunately, I lost some data, only capturing my first 10:32 of the interval training. In that time, though, I got in 1.12 miles, which is super impressive for me. And let me tell you, the robotic female voice coming from my phone, telling me when to walk and when to run, suddenly became angelic in tone when she said, "You're half way." I actually cheered for myself out loud - and I mean LOUD! I oblviously have no shame. When she suddenly told me to start my cool down, and I knew I had two intervals left, I just watched the clock on my phone to time myself - not as accurate, but it worked well enough for today. Hopefully it was just a weird glitch and the app works better tomorrow, because I will be doing this again...tomorrow.

The biggest challenge by far was that whenever the robot lady told me to run, I seemed to be headed up-hill! Well, that was enough to make my legs feel like complete mush under my heavier-by-the-second upper body. Alternatively, the biggest success by far was that I ran through the pain and exhaustion! I did it! Yes, I did a small victory dance before stretching, eating some apple slices, and pouring myself a nice, tall glass of water.

I then returned to my hobbit hole of a desk/office for an afternoon of email, phone calls, web content re-writes, and listserv messages...only a little sweatier and a lot more pumped!

The Plan

So, I am going to follow the Couch to 5K plan for the next 9 weeks to get myself ready for my first race. This is the plan:

Week 1 (repeat routine 3 times): Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 60 seconds of jogging and 90 seconds of walking for a total of 20 minutes.

Week 2 (repeat routine 3 times): Brisk five-minute warmup walk. Then alternate 90 seconds of jogging and two minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes.

Week 3 (repeat routine 3 times):Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then do two repetitions of the following - Jog 200 yards (or 90 seconds), Walk 200 yards (or 90 seconds), Jog 400 yards (or 3 minutes), Walk 400 yards (or three minutes)

Week 4 (repeat routine 3 times): Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then - Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes), Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds), Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes), Walk 1/4 mile (or 2-1/2 minutes), Jog 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes), Walk 1/8 mile (or 90 seconds), Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)

Week 5 (repeat routine 3 times): Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then - Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes), Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes), Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes), Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes),
Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)

Week 6 (repeat routine 3 times): Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then - Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes), Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes), Jog 3/4 mile (or 8 minutes), Walk 1/4 mile (or 3 minutes),
Jog 1/2 mile (or 5 minutes)

Week 7 (repeat routine 3 times): Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.5 miles (or 25 minutes).

Week 8 (repeat routine 3 times): Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.75 miles (or 28 minutes).

Week 9 (repeat routine 3 times): Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 3 miles (or 30 minutes).

I DID IT!!!

While I am anxious to start with Week 1 today, I will venture to say that I will repeat these more than three times a week. That is my absolute bare minimum for exercise. Rather, my goal is to do the routine 5-6 times a week. If weather is bad, I will hit my treadmill. NO EXCUSES!

I'll keep you posted on how well I stick to these goals. If I stay motivated and hold myself accountable (and you hold me to it, as well), I'm confident I will rock this!

Here I go...

Starting off on the Right Foot!

I was out for a walk today when my feet got the itch...the itch to run! While the rest of my body wasn't so sure, it took the lead from first my right, and then my left, foot. After I quickly covered a quarter mile, my body went back to controlling my pace. I started to speed walk again, but in that moment I realized that I want more out of my daily work-out than the burning of calories. I need a goal, something to work towards. But what would that be? And what is realistic? I mean, seriously, anyone who knows me could tell you I am not an athlete!

Once back to my office and my fingers could start tapping on my keyboard, I found myself searching for training tips to running a 5K. Before I knew it, I was registered for my first race and put an app on my Droid phone to train from "Couch to 5K" in 9 weeks. And did I mention that 5K I registered for is in 9 weeks?! Aaahhh!!!

Just so I wouldn't back out, I made the news public to my nearly 500 "friends" on FaceBook. Now, I have to stick with the program - literally. And since I went that far already, I decided to also blog about my successes and challenges. There will be no failures. My timeline doesn't have any wiggle room for that to happen.

Welcome to my venture into health, fitness, and becoming a real runner. Why would I do this? Well, I want to look good in clothes, of course, but this isn't just for vanity. I want to be healthy, to actually feel good, and most importantly, to be a good example for my girls. Oh, and did I mention that running allows me time to myself? What wife, mom, career woman doesn't want that?

We're in this together, right?

XOXO,
Gracie