Warmth in Winter

Today marks an end and a beginning - a swirl of emotion so quick moving I cannot capture one to claim as the dominant force. After six weeks of recovery following surgery, it is time to return to work and life as usual. I have been on disability during this time, laying in bed for two weeks, aside from frequent, short walks around the house. The following four were more active, but not by much. I watched copious amounts of television, including at least three full seasons of the show Suits and more movies and miniseries created for Amazon Prime than is natural for any one person to consume. I hurt, but it wasn't the physical pain that ever felt overwhelming. I ached to participate in the life happening around me. To lay around is not on my list of top qualities. I was missing my girls' games, practices, play dates, parties...I was missing everything.

That is, I was missing it all until I started to use the time to my advantage. When I accepted my situation for what it was - rest - I allowed my body and mind to relax. I was able to focus on the parts of me that needed healing in ways I never had before. As other folks were working on their New Year's Resolutions to lose weight and get physically fit, I was dropping lots of extra mental baggage and strengthening my thoughts. There aren't cool Instagram selfies to take laying in your bed contemplating your goals and vision of your life like all my friends in the gym, but I can promise the effort was just as intense. There were books, podcasts, and vision boards to read, listen to and create.

I actively practiced gratitude, especially on the days pain or sadness were at their greatest. I dreamt of what the best of my future self would look like and began to create goals to get me there. What will I do? How will I act? Who will surround me when I get there? Each day was a chance to get closer to joy. There was meditation, prayer, tears, laughter, and sharing with others. I started speaking my plans out into the world...claiming my success as if it had already happened.

Taking the time to care for myself, and allowing others to care for me, reminded me that it is okay to stop the mad rush. It allowed me the incredible opportunity to embrace all I have with tremendous appreciation, let go of the things weighing me down, and invest in loving on those who lift me up. Wellness is so much more than working out or eating right. It is feeding your mind and body the positive thoughts, beliefs and mantras it needs to keep going when you are at your lowest. We find the strongest parts of ourselves by pushing through the tests we are given. Our faith in God and in each other is forged in the fires of pain and difficulty. It is easy to be strong when the sun is shining, but in the cold, darkness of winter, when you can find light and warmth, you are dialing in on the graces that make you powerful.